Regis And Kelly.
But mostly Regis.
Don : Hey Jude...
Bunji : Don't make it sad...
Sherry : Take a sad song....
Zell : And make it better....
Don : And remember, to let her into your heart....
Zell : then you can start....
Sherry : to make it better....
Fangoram : NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA HEY JUDE....
Bunji : Thanks for runing the song! Good job Yoko!
Garino : *In other room* Keep it down, I'm watching TV!
Don : What are you watching, Garino!?!?!
Garino : Nothing you'd like, fucktard!!!
Don : Watch your fucking mouth, you cocksucking piece of shit!
Sherry : Watch your language Don!
Bunji : Both of you shut up.....Can't I beat up Fangoram in peace?
Zell : Aim for the testicles, mate. It's always more fun like that....
Fangoram : MY BATHING SUIT AREA!!!!!
Don : *Ingoring the situation* Garino, if you don't tell me what you're watching, I'll send your mother up there to make
sure you're not jacking off!!!
Garino : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Keep Mommy away!!! Garino no jack off!!! I have Herb to do that!
Don : Then what the hell are you doing?
Garino : ....Watching...tv....
Bunji : What show?
Zell : I want to point out that you should send his mother up there anyways.
Don : Point taken, and in process of thinking.....my brain now hurts.....
Sherry : He's probably watching Regis and Kelly again.
Garino : SHUT UP!!! I AM NOT!!!!
Fangoram : FOR GREAT JUSTICE!!!!
Zell : For great justice, shut the hell up. Hey look, Garino IS watching Regis and Hottie girl....
Regis : *On TV* Everybody loves The Regis! The Regis is unstopable. Rappers sing about The Regis's immense power on
their ho trains.
Kelly : Regis that is so funy.
Regis : Unless you want to be beaten down by The Regis, I'd shut up.
Zell : Great, what we all need, a 90 year old guy talking about his penis.
Bunji : Just the reason why Garino watches it.
Garino : I would say that I was watching it for the hot chick, but that would be a lie, and you all wouldn't believe me
Sherry : Yep.
Zell : Oi, mate.
Bunji : Eh.
Fangoram : COOKIES!!!
Don : Hell yes, you little shit.
Garino : I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU ALL!!!
Don : It's ok kid, just shut the hell up. Anyway, if you like it so much, why don't you just see the damn show in person.
Garino : My goodness, that is the first good idea you ever had!!!
Don : My worst idea was to adopt you.
Garino : *Turns toward camera* And that is what we call child abuse. Don't let it happen to you....The More you Know!
*The More You Know sign flashes up behind Garino*
Bunji : And with that, the fourth wall has been broken.
Garino : Can I take the dipshits with me?
Don : ........Sure, gets them out of my hair.
Sherry : Well, I'm going to....
Garino : Not this time, bitch.....
Sherry : Dammit!
*1 day, 13 hours, and 96 minus 27 seconds later*
Regis : Welcome to Regis and Kelly, or as I like to call it....Meet the Regis!!!
Kelly : HI Regis...
Regis : And the Regis says.....shut the heLL UP! Now, let me talk about the Regis and MY WIFE. My wife hasn't handled
the Regis since the summER OF 1992. And since then, the Regis has taken a FEW PROSTITUTES!! But now, even the hookers can't
take THE REGIS!!! Now, the Regis is looking for girls who have had SEX WITH HORSES!!! Because they should have VAGINAS BIG
ENOUGH FOR THE REGIS!!!
Kelly : That is soooo cool Regis.....
Regis : What has the Regis commanded you to do aboUT TALKING?
Kelly : Not...to....?
Regis : ExactLY! So shut in the hELL UP!
Garino : Regis is soooooo cool.
Zell : That girl is so hot. I know, if I kill kill or chop chop off the Regis, maybe I can get with her. That logic
makes perfect sense.
Bunji : Nothing you do makes any sense, you dumbass.
Sherry ; Why am I even here at this point?
Zell : Sex appeal.
Fangoram : CHIP GUY!
Bunji : This is a theater you idiot, not the ball park!
Chip guy : Chips here, get your chips here!
Fangoram : WHOO HOO!
Bunji : Wow, the retard proved me wrong.
Sherry : There's a first. Probably the only time.
Regis : There was this time, when THE REGIS ONCE KILLED A HOOKER TO DEATH. ALL SHE DID WAS LOOK AT IT!
Audience member : That was my MOM!
Regis : Then I'm sorry to tell you that youR MOTHER WAS A WHORE THAT COULDN'T HANDLE THE REGIS!
Kelly : Well.....
Regis : The Regis wants you be shut up!
Zell : Ok, you bloody stool, you've held her down too long. I'm going to release those Jublies on the air!
Bunji : I don't know him!
Garino : I want to handle The Regis!
Sherry : I want.....
Fangoram : LPGA!
Sherry : They're way too butch for me. Except for Michelle Wie.....she's all mine when she hits 16.....
Fangoram : UNDERAGE SEXUAL ADVANCEMENT!!!!!
Don : *Watching on TV* Show the Jublies!
Zell : I'm going to do something non-alcohol-related this time!
Regis : Let's see you handle The Regis!
Zell : Err....no thanks, I'll just kill you mate. Garino will do all the Gay stuff later.
Garino : Umm....err.....yeah, no sense in lying.....
Zell : Besides, lets see if you can handle my huge honking gun and me MERCS!
Random merc : Umm...the others are on vacation....
Zell : Bloody hell, I didn't give them a vacation.
Merc : They got sick when they ate Garino's 'Au Natural Mayo'.
Garino : I was wondering who ate the last of that!
Don : *Putting down sandwich* Eww.......
Fangoram : *face turning blue...* HELPIE!!!!! ME NEED DAVID HASSOLHOFF!!!!
Sherry : Why not Pamela Anderson Fangoram?
Fangoram : ME NO WANT HEPETITUS!
Bunji : Anyway, you shouldn't have eaten the bag with your chips, so there. Deal with it, retard.......
*Turns toward camera*
Bunji : See kids, that isn't the way to deal with someone who is choking. Instead, you should kick them in their crotch
or stomach or their back to help them out. Then once they are near death, call for help. The More You Know.
*The More You Know sign appears behind Bunji*
Sherry : Canada Sucks.....
*The More You Know sign appears behind Sherry*
Sherry : What? Canada sucks!
Bunji : I'll kill you.......again.......
Zell : Ok, I'll give you one vacation, but I'm not paying you for it...
Merc : Fine! Gosh!
Zell : Stop watching that damn movie Merc HX!
Merc HB : What about my vacation?
Zell : No.
Merc HB : Aww.....
Zell : Anyway, time to die, Regis!!!
Regis : Oh, don't hurt MY REGIS!!!!
Zell : If you say "The Regis" one more time, not only will I kill you, Merc CZ will chop off your Regis and
feed it to Tom Cruise.
Tom Cruise : I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER!
Mercs : WE HATE YOU WE HATE YOU WE HATE YOU!
Zell : God, lets just kill Regis!
Regis : Bring it.....
*SCENE DELETED DUE TO EXTREME MASSIVE QUOTE RIPOFF COMMING SOON VIOLENCE*
Sherry : So Kelly, I was in the WNBA...
Kelly : As hot as I find that, I find the aussie man hotter.
Zell : All right mate!
Fangoram : *passed out*
Bunji : GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVEEEEEEE.....I love you hunny!
*At The View*
Star Jones : I'm a lawyer, and I was invited to Donald Trump's 16th Wedding, so I know what I'm saying girlfriends, and
I'm saying that I'm hungry.
Barbra Walters : I'm more famous than all of you peons!!
Meridith Vieira : Woo hoo. Now as I was saying...
Joy Bahr : I don't know what the hell I'm even doing here!
Star Jones : I'm a lawyer, and I had a huge wedding to my husband Al. Where is my food? I wants my chips!
Chip Guy : Chips here! Get your chips here!
Star Jones : Hooray!!! *Buys several bag*
Elisabeth Hasselbeck : Why do you keep following us around?
Chip Guy : Lady, she's putting my kids though college.
Billy : Enough with the ripoff lines!
Mika : Kick the Spike!
Spike : No kick the Spike!
Mika : Kick the Spike! *Punts Spike right into Barbra Walters*
Barbra : Blargh, I dead!
Juji : Star, fight the good fight, kill whitey! Seig Hiel!
Star : I'm a lawyer, and I'm chocking on a chicken bone...
Bob Poundmax : Hey, that's mine Lee!
Bear : How'd I get stuck with you morons?
Harry : Fate.
Lee : Fate sucks!
*At The View*
Billy : OK, what other line are we going to use? Something from Family Guy?
Juji : Hey Grave, does my man tan look ok?
Spike : It's not that I want to kill him... I just want Garino not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women
are like this, and then I think to myself: My god, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?
Billy : Ok, who else are we going to fucking reference? Huh? Are we going to throw in a little Harvey Birdman? Huh? What
about some Space Ghost? Ren and Stimpy? Where's the Sealab 2021 references? Where's the Aqua Teen Hunger Force? Why doesn't
someone rip off Inuyasha....
Juji : KAGOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Billy : Sit Juji!
*Juji falls to the ground*
Billy : Damn it!!!
Grave : .................
Billy : No, Grave, I don't believe Star Jones was featured in Ebony Asses of Fire 3!
Grave : ........
Billy : I know there was a big, black lady, but damn it, no one wants to see that!!!!
Grave : .................
Billy : Just shut up......
Juji : KKKKAAAAAAGGGGOOOOOOMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
WINNAHS : ZELL, KELLY RIPA, CHIP GUY, THE MORE YOU KNOW, DON
LOSAHS : MERCS WHO ATE THE MAYO, STAR JONES, BARBRA WALTERS, THE REGIS, SHERRY, FANGORAM, SPIKE
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