Maria : Alright you bastards, get in here!
*Brandon, Harry, Bear, and Bunji all enter the room.*
Harry : Hey...why in the hell have we been summoned in here?
Bunji : I have a distinct feeling that I'll be hearing that line in a semi-weekly basis in the future..
Brandon : That's a strange feeling, Bunji.
Bunji : I thought so too, Big Brother!
Maria : I didn't call you morons in here so True Grave can continue their 'bromance.' There is a reason I requested your
Bear : I'm Bear Walken!
Maria : No shit, Sherlock. Now shut the hell up.
Brandon : It's okay, Bear...we still care.
Harry : See what you did, Maria? You hurt Bear's feelings! Since when did you turn into an uber-bitch?
Maria : Around the time I got power. Why?
Harry : No reason....(I can't wait to overthrow you, old man ball-licker...)
Maria : Anyway, the reason you are all here is that my beloved, Big Daddy, needs to buy me a Valentine's Day gift. Since
he's too busy to do it himself...
Bunji : How very thoughtful...
Maria : ...he requested that I handle it. Since I wish it to be a surprise, I decided that the four people I can tolerate
the most should handle it.
Bear : How kind of you.
Maria : I know, really! Anyway, go buy me something nice, put Big Daddy's name on it, and you all can have tomorrow off.
Harry *finally interested* : We'll take the case!
Maria : Good. Now go! And make sure it's pretty!
Bunji : Whatever, bitch.
Maria : If you don't want your 'wolf' spayed, you'll watch your mouth.
Bunji : ........
*In the Major Shopping Plaza*
Harry : I mean, why does he still call himself 'Big Daddy'? I mean, at his age, there has to be major shrinkage.
Bunji : It makes you wonder if he ever was the 'Big Daddy' at all...
Bear : I really don't know how Maria gets off, honestly...
Brandon : Guys, is this really appropriate conversation? I mean, really!
Bunji : But, Big Brother...?
Harry : No, I'll handle this one Bunji. *To Brandon* Buddy. Amigo. Copatriot. Mon Ami. I know you have something to say
on the subject. So, just let it out.
Brandon : .....Fine. Big Daddy is called 'Big Daddy' for a reason.
Harry : ....you mean....?!?!?!
Brandon : He's compensating.
Bear : I totally knew it!
Harry : *Distracted* Hey, guys! Do you think Maria wants jewlery?
Brandon : Probably. What did you have in mind?
Bear : It can't be good.
Bunji : Sounds like fun. Let's follow his lead, Big Brother!
Brandon : Shut up, Mokuba!...err....yeah, ok Bunji. Harry, lead the way!
*The men enter a Victoria's Secret.*
Harry : Hold still, Brandon.
Brandon : But, why me?!?!?!
Harry : Quiet. Bear, Bunji, do you think Maria would be super hot in this?
*Brandon is wearing....a see-though nightie.*
Bear : Totally.
Bunji : You look good in that, Big Brother!
Brandon : I'm watching you, asshole.
Harry : All right, it's settled! Now, on to phase two!
Brandon : There is more than one phase to this plan?!?!?!
Harry : Just so it doesn't look like we're planning something, we're gonna get her some jewlery...
Bear : Sounds fine.
Bunji : So, I imagine this will be the first thing she opens...
Harry : Of course. The nightie will be second.
Brandon : *Running over to them with a diamond necklace.* Here, I found the best one.
Harry : Excellent work, my friend! Now, she kind of has to!
Bunji : Has to what, big brother?
Brandon : Well Bunji, when a woman recieves a diamond, a magical thing happens!
Bear : Ok, let's not go there. What's part three, Harry?
Harry : The best part yet! Let's go!
*At an un-named shop...*
Brandon : Harry, you magnificant, evil bastard.
Bear : This is the most evil thing we can possibly do.
Bunji : So, what are we waiting for! Let's go!
Harry : Hah hah hah....AAAHHHH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!
Bear : What a crappy evil-villian laugh.
Harry : Shove it!
Brandon : Let's just go!
(Later that night...)
Big Daddy : Maria, my dear. Happy Valentine's Day! *Hands gifts*
Maria : Ooh! A Diamond Necklace!
Big Daddy : ....
Maria : Oh! A Nightie...you kinky bastard.
Big Daddy : *takes a few Viagra...*
Maria : And something else! What....is.....i---
*Maria holds...a giant dildo.*
Maria : 'The Big Daddy.' I will kill those bastards!