Garino : Ok you bastards.....please, come in here.....Zell, you may come out from the hiding.
Zell : Is the eye gone?
Bunji : ...........No.
Zell : AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Garino : Stop toying with the Aussie! Zell, calm down or no beer!
Zell : I'm good to go!
Garino : OK, I've set up a huge race against Grave and the others.
Sherry : Wait, three legged race again?
Don : Who comes up with the idea to reuse the three-legged race?!?!?!? I have no adopted son!
Bunji : What are ya talking about? He's right there?
Don : Hey......shut up.
Garino : No, this time it's going to be a street race. With like, cars and stuff.
Bunji : Eh....well.....I've been drinking. A lot.
Don : And this is new because....?
Bunji : You don't want me driving now, do you?
Don : You drink and drive anyway. That's not new....
Bunji : My car was repossessed....
Don : Ok, that's a valid excuse...
Zell : Hey mate, why don't Bunji and I do commentary....for this crappy thing. I'm sure ESPN2 would love to have us....
Sherry : I can see the censors hanging themselves now.
Bunji : That's the plan!
Fangoram : FANGORAM RACE SPEED RACER BOXCAR!
Zell : I only see this ending in a horrendous way.
Garino : That's the way anything ends with us, if you haven't noticed.
Bunji : That's why we're the funnest people around.
Don : "Funnest" isn't a word retard.....
Bunji : ............yet.
Don : Crap...he's got me there.....
Garino : Anyways, get your cars, and lets get going.
*At start point*
*ESPN2 Logo comes up and we see.....Bunji and Zell....with the microphones in hand..*
Bunji : Welcome to our EPSN2 street race of the week.
Zell : We're your hosts Zell Condorbrave and Bunji Kugashira the Grave.
Bunji : We all know that all the racers today suck ass, but who cares?
Zell : It's fun to watch the 'special' people race.
Bunji : So why aren't you in there then?
Zell : Well...I'm drunk off of my ass Bunji, soooo.......fuck off.
Bunji : And on that note, let's introduce the racers!!! First, we have Garino riding.....his my first motorized big wheels!
Zell : What a dumbass, Bunji....what a dumbass....
Garino : I can hear you, you know.....
Bunji : And we don't care! Next we have someone dear to my own dead heart.....Beyond the Grave driving his badass motorcycle!!!
Grave : .............
Bunji : Yes Grave, the Hispanics are responsible for ESPN Deportes, and no...they're not responsible for....
Zell : We're soooo going to hell for this, Bunji...
Bunji : Yeah....we know. Anyway, next we have the Don in his horse driven chariot.....
Zell : I don't think that is very legal...
Don : It is now!
Bunji : Good enough! Next we have Spike on....yes, his trikkie!
Spike : I can't find my bell!!!!
Zell : Maybe someday, he'll graduate to a two-wheeler, but not this day Bunji.
Mika : Don't forget your helmet Spike!
Spike : Aww....my helmet make me look gayer than I am, like Garino.
Garino : Hey, I made you....
Bunji : Which is why he's allready so damn gay.
Zell : Next we have.....some fat guy....
Bunji : Can it be? Yes! It is Bob Poundmax!!!
Bob : I want KFC, Lee!!!
Lee : You'll get it after the race, fat boy.
Bob : Yay!
Zell : Well, Bob is in his trademark Oscar Mayer Weiner-mobile....
Bunji : Which explains why he's always a foot long ahead of everyone else....going into KFC.....and Lee's ass.
Lee : Hey! Shut up Madness!!!
Bunji : What did I tell you about calling me that?!?!?!!?
Lee : That only Brandon could on your honeymoon.
Bunji : Damn straight!!!
Zell : Anywhoo......next is Richard Simmons.....what the hell?
Richard Simmons : Hello people!!! Sweating to the Oldies!!!!
Bunji : Yes, Richard Simmons will be driving a chariot pulled by...yes, fat people while blasting the oldies on a boombox
he has with him....
Zell : That's just wrong mate...
Bunji : Remember that time he killed 50 Cent?
Zell : Good times mate....good times. Wait, we were not there for that?!!!
Bunji : .....oh yeah. Well, who cares. Next is Sherry Walken....driving a limo....filled with lesbians....wow, saw that
Zell : Yes...can I be there too?
Sherry : NO!!
Zell : Crap...
Bunji : Well, last and definatly least...we have Fangoram McFinklstien McGee....Driving.....the Mach 5.
Billy : How the hell did he get the Mach 5?
Juji : It's actually just a box that says 'Mach 5' on it.
Mika : How could you see that.....hehehe...box.....
Juji : Well....I WOULD see it....but....a certain GARINO screwed up my vision...
Garino : I told you! I pulled out your eyeballs so I could have a little fun with the sockets! After, the Don made me
put something else in it's place....so after....
Juji : Just stop....I don't want to know....you sick, sick freak.
Bunji : This is one reporter who doesn't disagree with that, Zell.
Zell : I see the point....now, let's race!!!
Lee : *in pink bikini* On your mark! Get set! Bob, stop eating your stering wheel...
Bob : Aww.....
Lee : And.....
Bunji : TAKE IT OFF!!!!!
Grave : .................
Bunji : Sorry!!!!
Lee : I not taking it off for you, mister....anyway....GO!
Zell : And their off! Except for Spike....and Garino.....they're playing tididly winks.
Garino : Ha, I win again!
Spike : You suck!
Herb : You better believe it!
Spike : Eww......
Mika : Shut up, you know you like it!
Lee : So Billy, why aren't you guys racing?
Billy : Well, Juji's blind, I'm a ghost, and Mika's, well....
Mika : Tenticle porn!
Lee : Where?!?!
Billy : I hate you all.
Zell : Well, Don is in the lead....with Fangoram close behind, trying to eat the horses....
Fangoram : I WANT ME CHICKEN SELECTS!!!!
Don : THEY'RE NOT FOOD YOU MORON! THEY'RE GLUE!!!!
Bunji : It looks as if Sherry....has driven herself right out of the race....and into a building....that looks like a
Zell : Looks like some X rated action going down there, Bunji. I think we should take a closer look....
Sherry : NO!!!
Zell : Damnit! Anyway...Richard Simmons and Bob Poundmax are neck in neck....with Richard trying to give Bob some health
Bob : So I'm not supposed to eat fried chicken all day?
RS : Nope honey Bunny!
Lee : Hey, he's mine!
Bob : For once, two guys are fighting over me....it's a dream come true..now only if there were some fudge around, it'd
Zell : And that is a disgusting thought, Bunji.
Bunji : Yes it is, Zell. Well, it looks like....yes! Lee took out all of Richard Simmons' fat people, thereby disqualifying
Zell : It also does not look like Bob is going to finish this race either....he's having another heart attack...
Bunji : Well Zell, that isn't a funny thing to joke about. Heart Attacks are serious things....
Zell : Yes they are. Now Lee and Richard are fighting over Bob's prone body....trying to figure out who will give Bob
Bunji : Nasty stuff there, Zell. Now, Grave is taking the lead from Don....who still has Fangoram close behind.
Zell : Hold on....what is this.....Garino and Spike are actually starting to move past the starting point now!!!! They
are in a dead heat for last place!!!
Bunji : That is exciting news there, Zell. Now.....I think the Don has just pulled out his trusty samurai sword....
Don : I NAMED IT SALLY!!!!
Bunji : That deserves some psychiatric therapy....meet me in my office later....
Zell : It looks like Don is trying to take a few swings at Fangoram...
Don : Stop eating my horses!
Fangoram : STOP HOGGING ALL THE CHICKEN FRIES!
Don : Wait....what?....Ahh to hell with you *Swings..uhh...Sally at Fangoram's tires, slashing them*
Bunji : It looks like Fangoram is going to crash into....yes! An old lady on the sidewalk!!!!
Zell : Oh, this should be fun to watch, Bunji.
Old Lady : Oh it's such a nice day out....I hope I don't get hit by an asploding retard in a makeshift Mach-5....
Fangoram : I ASPLODE-'GAIN INTO OLD LADY....AGAIN!!!!
Old Lady : Aww....crap. Again.
*SCENE DELETED DUE TO EXTREME WE ARE SO GOING TO HELL FOR THIS ONE VIOLENCE*
Zell : Well, it's comming down to Don versus Grave with the finish line fast approaching!
Bunji : What's this? Mika has just pulled the truck in front of the finnish line!
Don : Aww........poo.......
Grave : *Ducks* .............
Billy : No more about the hispanics! Or the Dutch! Or the Chinese! Or the Mexicans! Or the British and their funny accents!
Or the Antarticians! Or the.....
Bunji : Don't forget the Swedes!
Billy : Now those are some nice looking ladies there.
Mika : I'm a Swede...
Billy : I stand corrected.
Bunji : It looks like.....yes! The Don has just crashed into the truck, causing much distruction and pain to himself and
those poor, poor horses.....
Zell : Grave has successfully slid under the truck, and right across the finish line!!! Grave wins!!!
Bunji : You know what this means, the American League gets the homefield advantage in the Major League Baseball World
Zell : Again??!?!?! Why, at this point...no one cares!!!
Bunji : The race for second is an exciting one....between Garino and Spike....
Zell : How you said that with a straight face Bunji, I'll never know.
Bunji : Anyway, They are just reaching the point of where Bob Poundmax is reciving double-mouth-to-mouth!! Who knew, Zell?
Zell : I'd rather not know, Bunji.
Bunji : Wait, what's this...yes, the Don has just crossed the finish line, with two broken legs.
Don : Freaking horses.....off to the steel mill with you!
Zell : Well, this has gotten ugly, so we must get going. I'm Zell Condorbrave...
Bunji : And I'm Bunji Kugashira the Grave, saying goodnight, and go fuck yourselves!
*about X hours later*
Spike : Yay, I got third place!
Garino : Aww....you cheated....
Spike : It's not my fault that you stopped to get a quicky with Herb....
Garino : .........I hate you......
WINNAHS : GRAVE! DON! SHERRY! ZELL AND BUNJI! THE AMERICAN LEAGUE!
LOSAHS : GARINO! FANGORAM! OLD LADY! BOB! THE NATIONAL LEAGUE!!!
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