Blitz WWFD #4

Fangoram

Vs.

Day-time television

Garino: <Watching Tv> hmm... so boring I can flip through channels and eat chocolate but its not fun without the good TV part...

Ricki Lake: Ok now we have a woman who is abused by her daughter who is only 9 YEARS OLD! <Change>

Maury: Now welcome back for the umpteenth time Stephanie so that we can identify her baby daddy. <Change>

"Lifetime...."

Garino: I hope they're showing She-devil I just love that movie....<Claps hands like a little girl>

Dr. Ruth: Vagina. <CHANGE>

Jerry Springer: And now we have more red necks to show how truly idiotic they are...

Garino: Meh...<change>

Oprah: READ MY BOOK!

Garino: WHAT THE HELL!

Bunji: Garino's shocked, senses to hide tingling.

Sherry: You don't have sense's you're nerves all died when you did.

Bunji: Shut up...whore.

Sherry: Bitch

Garino: Stop it can't you see the fighting is tearing us apart?!!!

Bunji/Sherry: Shut up!

Garino: <Runs upstairs in a robe and cries>

Zell: You guys ruined my entertainment, I was actually enjoying him bored, I was waiting to see what he would've done after he ran out of channels.

Fangoram: WATCH CARTOONS LIKE ME!

Zell: When the hell did you get there?

Don: When Garino left, and it's when did "we" get here!

Zell: I'm seeing double again this is the same as that time...

Zell: I must really be wasted because I can swear there are two of you.

Ashley: But there are two of us.

Mary Kate: Pu-lese do not lump me with that crack addicted bulumic freak.

Ashley: What Bitch?!

Mary Kate: It's on!

Zell: Now I'm seeing two more of you.

Nick and Aaron Carter: Hate you.

Zell: Brain hurts.... Think I'll take one of those pills, now how do you open this bottle again just pull the pin and then three seconds later....

Bunji: I remember that you killed like four people and had an afro for a week.

Zell: Good times...

Don: Anyway I hate this Nick Jr. Crap I'm putting my oldies tape on that has speed racer, voltron, transformers, captain planet, thunder cats etc.

Bunji: That gives me an Idea.... "Transformers more than meets the eye... Transformers Garino I dispise."

Garino: <still Crying> Still Hate you!

Fangoram: NO!!!!! BOB THE BUILDER IS ON!

Don: Too bad..

Fangoram: <Blows up VCR> TAKE THAT BITCH!

Sherry: I thought we put the V-chip in.

Zell: We did...

Bunji: That Elmo says some pretty nasty stuff.

Bunji: <Smoking weed> Hey red dude you want a hit?

Elmo: .........................................................................Your lungs.

Bunji: Whoa chill out dude, I just offered a hit you didn't have to explain why it's bad for my health like that.

Sherry: But aren't you dead?

Bunji: Currently, but it's because I lost brain cells that I died, I should've listened to that bastard.

Garino: <Wearing he blue suit with a small white stain on the pants> Okay I'm ready to start the day off.

Bunji: So why were you crying? Nothing good on?

Garino: No that was only for ten seconds, then herb had lots of Viagra and....

Zell: STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!

Bunji: So that means... that, that stain is....

Garino: That's just mayo, what you're thinking about went in....

Zell: NO!!! THE MENTAL IMAGING IS WORSE THAT HX'S PHOTOSHOPS!!!

Bunji: So in all actuality you guys were...

Zell: Bunji stop encouraging him!

Don: Get to buisness already.

Fangoram: YEAH I WANT TO DO STUFF ALREADY!

Garino: Okay, daytime TV sucks, so you're all going to do things about it... Sherry by Blitz's orders you're not going anywhere so you're going to Dr. Ruth...

Sherry: Awww, but she can teach me before I kill her.

Garino: Don, you get Ricki Lake...

Don: Ok, just know she could've been your mother....

Garino's mom: ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT HUSSIE AGAIN! DON'T YOU LIKE MAKING LOVE TO ME ANYMORE? TO PROVE IT ME AND YOU TONIGHT WITH NO RUBBER!

Garino: NOOOOOOOO! the banging on the walls the memories the horror!!!!!

Bunji/Zell/Sherry/Fangoram/Alucard: ewww....

Bunji: Master what brings you here?

Alucard: I came to extinguish this evil as a small favor before my new show starts up.

Garino: I lent him money so that this time around they could do a show worthy of his greatness.

Bunji: true........

Garino: Bunji and Alucard are in charge of the new Oprah.

Bunji: I dunno how she came back to life but I don't mind killing her again.

Garino: Zell, you're in charge of taking out Maury...

Zell: The guy that married kaity, she's hott, sure I'll kill him and take his wife.

Garino: So wrong, but lastly, Fangoram, you have Springer.

Fangoram: I KILL REDNECKS!!!

Alucard: The idiot's head on this time...

(And so they split up on their mystical journey to collect the dragonballs....I mean kill talk show hosts).

Dr. Ruth: Penis' go into vagina's and...

Sherry: Not always, I find lesbonic sex more pleasurable.... (Wink)

Dr. Ruth: Then prove it to me, I did all the presidents from Lincoln to Bush and every porn star learned from me, even that twit Jeremy.

Sherry: Then I'll teach you, you short cute little foreign woman...

(three minutes later they're in a back room, two minutes after they're undressed, thirty minutes pass... you don't want to know.... two minutes after)

Sherry: Phew that was good but I'm better.

Dr. Ruth: ......

Sherry: Uh? Ruthie?

Dr. Ruth: <Dead>

Sherry: Well I was better, anywho I did my job, now I better run to get with the members of NYU's Gay Club.

<Next...god that was ewww.... is The Don>

Ricki: Okay, this girl beat her parents to a pulp and isn't sorry, well we'll have to change that won't we?

Don: Ricki sweetie?

Ricki: (Shifts into a horrible succubus) YOU BASTARD I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL!!!

Don: I was expecting that you would sell your soul to become a demon, so I have died once and come back...and....

(Pulls out a red glove with flame skulls on it and pushes his chest in. His spirit comes out wearing black samurai clothing called shinigami uniform with a large penis shaped sword, if you know bleach you'll understand.)

Ricki: It Can't BE!!!!

Don: Now! BANKAI! hard and long GIANT HAND!

Ricki: Anything but that!

Don: Now, you'll learn what it really means to get hit you liar! Parents, if you kid hits you... beat them to an inch of their life!

(Off camera)

Garino: That is so true, spiiiiikeee.... where are you?....

(On Camera)

Don: HYAAAAA!!!! ULTIMATE 1000 HOUSE OF BITCH SLAP!

Ricki: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Scene removed due to ultimate bitch slapness)

Ricki: Dead...

Don: (returns to his body) Now I should see how Bunji and Alucard are doing...

(Next Scene Bunji and Alucard)

Oprah: Buy my new book, and see the color purple it's really good!

Bunji: I don't know how you did it...

Alucard: But you're going to die....again.

Bunji: But first....

Alucard: Wait...I saw an image of her on google.hell.net she looks much fatter than usual.

Bunji: Strange...

Ellen Degeneres: I can answer that for you, it's not really Oprah!

Bunji: thanks Ellen.

Ellen: Anytime I owe you guys for killing that bitch martha!

Alucard: Sweet lesbian, too bad she's not going to hell with the rest of us.

Bunji: Anyway, who's this then?

(Lifts poorly made mask off)

Bunji: Oh my god!!!!

Alucard: It can't be.....ROSIE O' DONNEL!!!!!

Rosie: I no rosie, no the precious star light! I am Oprah!

Bunji: she's off the deep end we might need help with this one.

Alucard: Despite my greatness, you might be right.... (pulls out a boost mobile) Yeah dog, we're gonna need you and the crew down here for this one.

two minutes later..

Vash: Okay boss, as much as I don't like killing we'll do it for you.

Bunji and Wolfwood: Yep.

Sailor Scouts, Monkey D. Luffy, The Master Chief from Halo, Sub Zero, Akuma, Ghandi, Vampire hunter D, Alf, Goku, Nightmare, and Akabane Kurodo (Getbackers): WE AGREE!

Don: But you forgot me.... (huff puff) I thought you could use my help.

Alucard: What can you do mortal?

Don: A lot of rip offs except hellsing.

Alucard: Show me...

Don: Don-VER!!!!!* (Shifts into the bio-boosted armor) Like this one.

Alucard:....That works.

Bunji: Ok it's time to take her out, I think she's foaming....

Rosie: ARGG ARRGGG!!! I AM OPRAH RRRRAAAARRRRRR!!!!!

Alucard: (pulls out both guns) Light this bitch up....

(SCENE DELETED DUE TO THE KIND OF Everyone, and I mean everyone does their special moves kind of violence.)

Rosie: Dead...Ashes against some wall a few blocks down.

Alucard: I'm done better get back to Hellsing Ultimate.

Bunji: So, I guess we go home...

Wolfwood: I'm going with you and the Don.

Bunji: why?

Wolfwood: Because I'm going to die.

Bunji: Good point, but you got laid, from that hot chick millie. Besides, what can you offer.

Wolfwood: A cross shaped gun and a church.

Bunji: NO GOOD!

(Next act, Zell)

Maury: Ok, welcome Jeanne and who she believes is her baby's daddy.

Zell: Wait a moment mate....

Maury: Look into my eyes, you are now under my control!

Zell: Yes master....

Next Act...................Fangoram

Jerry: Okay, our guests are hicks that are gonna fight then everyone of you loathesome people can stare at this bald guys head.

Fangoram: OOOOO..... SHINY HEAD!!!!

Steve: Yes I know, but its the head below that ladies love...

Fangoram: I NEED AN ADULT I NEED AN ADULT!!!!

Jerry: What?

Fangoram: AHHHH!!!! (shoot's jerrys arm off)

Jerry: What the *Bleep god *bleep, you damned *bleep.

Fangoram: RATED R!!!!!

Jerry: huh oh *BLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!

Audience and guests: We're free now we can live like civilized people again...

Fangoram: ARE THOSE CHICKEN SELECTS?!

Steve: Take as many as you want...

Blitz: Watch you're diet you still have to look good for the script.

Fangoram: HEIL MEIN FURHER!

Blitz: I was expecting that from...nevermind.

(Everyone's back at the mansion, and Zell's passed out)

Garino: (Flips through channels) okay everyone is killed except maury, Zell you failed...

Bunji: Wait.... that can't be...

Maury: Welcome my Guest Mr. Zell Condorbrave.

Zell: (Clean cut, well shaved, fresh scented, wearing preppy clothing with an understandable accent) Good day Maury, thank you for changing my ways...

Sherry: No way...

Fangoram: ZELLS POSESSED CALL AN EXCORCIST!!!!

Pat Robertson: The Lord has given me the....

(Garino, Don, Bunji, Sherry, Fangoram, and Alucard pull out guns and shoot robertson, again.)

Bunji: That was unexpected, where did you and the don get a gun from?

Don: Lupin the III

Garino: Power Rangers, they weren't using it...

(Somewhere distant)

Red Ranger: Now put the final blaster in to take this guy down it's our only hope.

Blue Ranger: We don't have it...

Red Ranger: Why?

Blue Ranger: I gave it to my ex boyfriend.

Red Ranger: (Slaps blue ranger repeatedly as a flaming ball comes towards them) YOU STUPID BITC!!!!......

(Mansion)

Sherry: I think Zell's waking up.

Zell: Oy mate what the hell happened?

Bunji: Actually, Zell can you tell us what happened.

Zell: well I think it went like...

(Flashback)

Zell: (Mind Raped) and I would like thank you, I'm a bit thirsty can I have something to drink?

Maury: Anything my guest...

Vendor: Here you go, I know what Aussies like!

Maury: NOT THAT!

Vendor: (Throws Fosters)

Zell: What!? Feeling urge to drink must drink! (Opens can and drinks, seconds later hair grows on his head, his ruggedness and hat return, merc costume with cape reappears, bad odor returns, slurred/ horribled accented english returns, And somehow his giant gun appears.)

Maury: NOOOO!!!

Zell: Now I remember, I'm supposed to kill you then seduce Kaity.

Maury: MIND RAPE!

Zell: I've built an immunity to that. Bunji and Grave have mind raped me many time Bunji 500 and Grave 499 and then yours makes 1000, so I am immune to Mind Rape!

Maury: NOOOOOO!!!!

(Scene deleted to Zell can do math and kick ass while semi drunk type violence)

Kaity: I sure wish an Austrailian man with rugged looks would take me now, maury looks too much like tim allen.

Zell: (Kicks door down) LUCKY!

Kaity: TAKE ME!

(End Flash back)

Zell: And that's how it went.

Bunji: (Applauds) Beautiful, you got wasted killed a TV host, and then slept with is wife, beautiful....

Don: However one more thing must be done before all is right with the universe....

Bunji, Zell, Sherry, Fangoram, and Shinobi: YES!

Garino: How did he get in here?

Bunji: Duh, ninja?

Garino: Right....

Bunji: Wolves!

Zell: FOSTERS!

Sherry: HOMOSEXUALITY!

Fangoram: RETARDATION!

Shinobi: Heart....

Don: By your powers combined....screw it... (Kicks Garino in the Balls) THE POWER IS YOURS!

Garino: I thought you said you would stop that...

Blitz: Not in my script Bitch!

Garino: I HATE YOU ALL!!!! ow my sack hurts....

(At Barney)

Billy: Why are we here again?

Grave:............................................

Billy: Right, kutaba and Spike... where did we leave mika?

(In Grave's Chair)

Mika: YAY I KNEW GRAVE HAD A BEER STASH HERE!

(Back at Barney)

Billy: I always knew that the blood alchohol level in those transfusions was a little high....

Barney: So mr. big and scary what did we learn?....

Grave:.......

Barney: No need to be shy... (Hugs Grave)

Grave: .......................................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (shoots barney in the left eye)

Spike: (Cries)

Billy: Now look what you did...

Baby Bop: Oh my giddy goodness...

Grave: ...................................... (points gun at her)

Billy: He said, if you move, try to touch him say another stupid thing or try to call the cops, then he'll kill you, he said that with a lot more swears and strange references to dino-orgy...

Baby Bop: (So stunned she hit the floor)

Grave: (Smashes her body with his Casket)

Billy: Well he did say move, and grave is pretty literal...

Juji: SECRET NAZI BARNEY!

Billy: Kutaba what in the hell:

Juji: Points at the way barney's blood spilled.

Billy: Well I'll be damned...

Juji: Heut' ist mein Tag
Heut' ist mein Tag
Heut' ist mein Tag

Billy: Damn you to YTMND hell.....

END? NOT YET!

(Back at the mansion at midnight)

Don: (Walks upstairs with milk)

Voice: Get over here!

Don: Scorpion?

Voice: No!

Don: No it can't be... (Large shadow appears in front him)

Garino's mom: YOU THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YOU BITCH?!!!!!! IT'S LOVE MAKING TIME!!!

Don: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fangoram: (with a large sign) GOOD NIGHT AND DON'T TOUCH MY CHICKEN SELECTS!!!

Winnah's: Grave, Juji, Fangoram, Sherry(kind of), Zell, Alucard, Mika, Garinos mom.

Losah's: Don, Billy, Talk show hosts, Wolfwood, Spike, and Garino.