*Brandon, Harry, Bear, and Bunji all enter the room.*

 

Harry : Hey...why in the hell have we been summoned in here?

 

Bunji : I have a distinct feeling that I'll be hearing that line in a semi-weekly basis in the future..

 

Brandon : That's a strange feeling, Bunji.

 

Bunji : I thought so too, Big Brother!

 

Maria : I didn't call you morons in here so True Grave can continue their 'bromance.' There is a reason I requested your presence here.

 

Bear : I'm Bear Walken!

 

Maria : No shit, Sherlock. Now shut the hell up.

 

Brandon : It's okay, Bear...we still care.

 

Harry : See what you did, Maria? You hurt Bear's feelings!  Since when did you turn into an uber-bitch?

 

Maria : Around the time I got power. Why?

 

Harry : No reason....(I can't wait to overthrow you, old man ball-licker...)

 

Maria : Anyway, the reason you are all here is that my beloved, Big Daddy, needs to buy me a Valentine's Day gift. Since he's too busy to do it himself...

 

Bunji : How very thoughtful...

 

Maria : ...he requested that I handle it. Since I wish it to be a surprise, I decided that the four people I can tolerate the most should handle it.

 

Bear : How kind of you.

 

Maria : I know, really! Anyway, go buy me something nice, put Big Daddy's name on it, and you all can have tomorrow off.

 

Harry *finally interested* : We'll take the case!

 

Maria : Good. Now go! And make sure it's pretty!

 

Bunji : Whatever, bitch.

 

Maria : If you don't want your 'wolf' spayed, you'll watch your mouth.

 

Bunji : ........

 

**********

 

*In the Major Shopping Plaza*

 

Harry : I mean, why does he still call himself 'Big Daddy'? I mean, at his age, there has to be major shrinkage.

 

Bunji : It makes you wonder if he ever was the 'Big Daddy' at all...

 

Bear : I really don't know how Maria gets off, honestly...

 

Brandon : Guys, is this really appropriate conversation? I mean, really!

 

Bunji : But, Big Brother...?

 

Harry : No, I'll handle this one Bunji. *To Brandon* Buddy. Amigo. Copatriot. Mon Ami. I know you have something to say on the subject. So, just let it out.

 

Brandon : .....Fine. Big Daddy is called 'Big Daddy' for a reason.

 

Harry : ....you mean....?!?!?!

 

Brandon : He's compensating.

 

Bear : I totally knew it!

 

Harry : *Distracted* Hey, guys! Do you think Maria wants jewlery?

 

Brandon : Probably. What did you have in mind?

 

Bear : It can't be good.

 

Bunji : Sounds like fun. Let's follow his lead, Big Brother!

 

Brandon : Shut up, Mokuba!...err....yeah, ok Bunji. Harry, lead the way!

 

*The men enter a Victoria's Secret.*

 

Harry : Hold still, Brandon.

 

Brandon : But, why me?!?!?!

 

Harry : Quiet. Bear, Bunji, do you think Maria would be super hot in this?

 

*Brandon is wearing....a see-though nightie.*

 

Bear : Totally.

 

Bunji : You look good in that, Big Brother!

 

Brandon : I'm watching you, asshole.

 

Harry : All right, it's settled! Now, on to phase two!

 

Brandon : There is more than one phase to this plan?!?!?!

 

*******

 

Harry : Just so it doesn't look like we're planning something, we're gonna get her some jewlery...

 

Bear : Sounds fine.

 

Bunji : So, I imagine this will be the first thing she opens...

 

Harry : Of course. The nightie will be second.

 

Brandon : *Running over to them with a diamond necklace.* Here, I found the best one.

 

Harry : Excellent work, my friend! Now, she kind of has to!

 

Bunji : Has to what, big brother?

 

Brandon : Well Bunji, when a woman recieves a diamond, a magical thing happens!

 

Bear : Ok, let's not go there. What's part three, Harry?

 

Harry : The best part yet! Let's go!

 

*********

 

*At an un-named shop...*

 

Brandon : Harry, you magnificant, evil bastard.

 

Bear : This is the most evil thing we can possibly do.

 

Bunji : So, what are we waiting for! Let's go!

 

Harry : Hah hah hah....AAAHHHH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!

 

Bear : What a crappy evil-villian laugh.

 

Harry : Shove it!

 

Brandon : Let's just go!

 

********

 

(Later that night...)

 

Big Daddy : Maria, my dear. Happy Valentine's Day! *Hands gifts*

 

Maria : Ooh! A Diamond Necklace!

 

Big Daddy : ....

 

Maria : Oh! A Nightie...you kinky bastard.

 

Big Daddy : *takes a few Viagra...*

 

Maria : And something else! What....is.....i---

 

*Maria holds...a giant dildo.*

 

Maria : 'The Big Daddy.' I will kill those bastards!

 

*****************